Hello Arik, I am Jane by name, I have been keeping watch on
you since I know you in 2012, I know you don’t know me, but I know you very
well, you helped a friend of mine in her marriage when she was about losing it,
her name is Mary. It was through her I got your contact late 2012. Sometime in
2013, I called your number but maybe because I wasn’t bringing anything on the
table, you really didn’t talk much. I called you again another time, and then I
realized you’re not the talking type except on social media or if you choose
to. I gave your contact to my elder brother Jerry Nwabueze when his business
was failing, I don’t know if the name rings a bell to you, and he appreciates
your efforts because the support you gave him then is what he’s still enjoying
till date. These are things you’ve done for people I know; now it is time for
you to do mine. I read your blog a lot, I do comment on it before, but now I
love to comment but I don’t know how to go about it. I got your e-mail address
on your blog, so I decided to send you a mail. Like I said, my name is Jane, I’ve
been married since 2008, I love my husband, and my husband loves me too. But
right now I’m having issues with my marriage not with my husband but with his
mother. I had our first child two years after which we got married which was in
2010, and I had a break. I have our second child in hand now and my mother
in-law came in all to say she wants to do omugo. Ever since she came, it has
been one issue or another. If she doesn’t bring up an issue with me, she will
bring it up with my mother who also came to take care of our little baby. She
tries everything to make my husband hate me, she sees fault in me when there’s
none. She expects me to cook in my condition after knowing I went through CS to
have the child, she told me to wash our baby’s clothes, if my mother helps me
with these chores, she flairs up saying my mother didn’t give me home training,
she spoilt me and she’s still spoiling me, that what will happen when my mother
dies. Arik she started saying all sorts of things I can’t even say. Instead of
my mother to keep quiet and be looking, she won’t, she will also retaliate.
Their voices do not only disturb me and my little born child, but it also
disturbs the neighborhood. Its everyday they fight. Unfortunately my husband do
not really know about these, because he’s a busy man, he hardly stay home. I’m
tired Arik, what can I do?
First of all, I will advise you take things easy, calm your
nerves and advise your mother to do the same for the sake of your condition and for peace to reign.
If your mother in-law brings up a quarrel next time, use an
headset with music on for you not to allow whatever she says get to you. If
you’re not the music person, watch movies on your laptop, ipad, phone or any
device you can connect an headset to. If you do not want to do any of these,
then I will suggest you take a cold water if you can, then take a walk and
please don’t do that if your nerves are not calmned, in-other not to regret the
action.
Find time to discuss with your husband, will suggest you do
that in the middle of the night. Trust me guys pay more attention to talks when
their sleep is been cut short, and they try to take actions ASAP. Call him, tell
him you need a favour from him, and you will be glad if he can do it for you in
earnest. Ofcourse he will ask you what it is all about, then you touch and rob
his cheeks down saying you want your own mother to go back to her house. He
will definitely ask you why, this time you remove your hands from his cheeks
and sit upright with a straight face on telling him this marriage is for you
couples and your kids to enjoy, no room for extended families. At this juncture,
he should know his mother too is not welcomed, because you’ve said it indirectly
in a direct manner. If he says ok, and wants to go back to sleep without asking
about his mother, then you bring her name in saying she is also included in the
list of mothers to leave and you want it done as soon as possible. Here is
going to look at you with a look like are you in your right senses, without
saying a word, you tell him YES boldly, you mean what you said.
He might want to say oh they came to help us with our baby,
you cut him short by saying Honey I know, this time you rob your palm on his
chest, but if I need help, we can get a maid rather than stressing our mothers.
Darling please…
I’m sure he will understand there’s more to it and he will
do as you wish.
I wish you luck Jane, let me know if these works. 
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