Wednesday 26 August 2015

Arik Raymond's Blog [ARB] MY RELATIONSHIP: I'm 14 Years Older Than My Boyfriend

 
My Dear Arik,
How are you, how is work and your family, I believe everything is going on well with you. Please I will like you to give me an advice on my relationship. I am 38 years of age, I’m a banker, I have never been married, all the guys I’ve been dating leave me after a period of time. But there’s this guy I met sometime around last year, he’s younger than I am, to be precise, he’s 24. He has no job at the moment, but when I met him last year, he was serving and was working in a ticketing office; but they didn’t retain him after service.
This guy tells me how much he loves me all the time, and he shows he cares a lot although I’m the one catering for him, so I don’t know maybe that’s why he act as if he loves me, but I think I also love him too. He’s mature and good looking, and I’m also good looking too, age didn’t tell on me maybe because of my stature. Below is a picture of myself and him, but please don’t make this public, I mean the picture. This guy sleeps in my house sometimes, and before I get back from work, he would have made food for us to eat and also make the bed. No doubt, he’s good in bed, and he’s the kind of man I want. But sometimes I think he’s not man enough because of the way he talks to me. He’s so cool, he has never shouted at me for the past 19 months we’ve been dating, and it’s not as if I don’t wrong him. I do wrong him sometimes intentionally just because I want to see the other side of him, but he won’t say anything. Is this the man that wants to marry me or the boy that wants to marry me, that’s the question I ask myself? I don’t know how to face my family and the society with a man I’m 14 years older than. I wish he could be the one older than I am not vice versal. But my lover boy sees nothing wrong in it, he uses me as his bbm display picture, whatsapp profile picture, even on his facebook and instagram account, he flaunts me there. He is proud of me, but I’m not sure if he’s really who I want to marry because the age difference is too much. Yet I didn’t see any man of my age or even a little older than I am to ask for my hand in marriage. I feel so ashamed of myself seeing my colleagues talk about their family, and seeing those who are not up to me happy with their families. I’ve tried so many dating sites, but fraudsters and fake people are those I see there, so I gave up on that. Raymond, please I need your help.

Yours sincerely,
Margaret .

Hmm! Margaret, I won’t say much because you’ve said it all yourself, and I don’t know why you’re confused. You are 38, he is 24, a 14years age interval on your part to him. I don’t think that should be an issue Maggie. To think of the fact that you’re not the first and will never be the last to find happiness in a guy who is way younger than you. Happiness is all that matters in a relationship, forget the profile. If your man is a dwarf and you’re happy with him, go on, rather than having a relationship with a Jordan without happiness.  One thing you need to know about relationship is RELATIONSHIP SHOULD BE LAID ON A PLATFORM OF HAPPINESS. Forget what people will say. Look, words from people can and might mislead you. You’re thinking they might say Oh! She’s older than her husband, oh this, oh that blablabla… People will continue to Oh you no matter what you do; it’s left for you to be wise and know what is best for you. You’re 38 and still single, do you know people are already hoyin you? They’re already saying a lot of shits some would behind you, some will, facing you. It’s left for you to follow your heart. Oh! You said he doesn’t shout at you, and to that I guess you love and want a man that will shout at you and probably hit you when arguments arise right? If that’s what you want, then there are lots of guys at the garage, I’m sure they will be happy to have a lady like you whom they will perform their combat skills on. Maggie, you’re not a kid, I’m sorry I have to be blunt with you because I noticed that’s who and what you want. You see an educated guy and you expect him to be lousy, to be yelling at you at every single time. Don’t you know most aggressive people don’t end at just shouting, sometimes they take it up to the hitting level. And I’m sure you won’t want to go to work the following day with a swollen face. At 38 Maggie, I don’t need to remind you that you should have hands up on child bearing after like 3-4 kids, you shouldn’t be thinking of how to get married or have kids at this age, this is the age for women to be raising their children. I hate to say this, but it’s the fact, there is a time frame for ladies to get married, and the age frame starts from 22-28; because, your tissue as a lady are still very much active at this stage, not when you’re 40+. As a banker Maggie, well I don’t know the department you are in there, but I know you will know a simple arithmetic. Have you thought for once, calculating the age difference between yourself and your unborn child? That’s one thing about me; I bring the FUTURE to the PRESENT. Of course you can’t have a child at 38 except if you’re already pregnant. Ok at 39, you have your first child, it means you’re 39 years older than your FIRST child, 41 you have your SECOND child. How active do you think you will be at these age raising your kids? This is part of the reason why there is a age frame to when a lady and a man should marry. Look at you, you said you’re good looking and to what I can see, there’s no doubt, you’re beautifully and wonderfully created; but no man of your age or older than you propose to you. Isn’t this a sign that that’s who God has created for you. Maggie if you were to be 24, won’t you marry a 38 year old man? You will, so why can’t you marry a 24 year old man; is there a rule to that? Age sometimes has nothing to do with relationship, and atimes has something to do with it. You think because you’re older than him, that’s why he doesn’t talk back at you; what if that’s the kind of person he is, what if he’s the gentle type who doesn’t want wahala (trouble)? Magaret, you need to do your assignment well on this guy, because I think you don’t really know him. Until then I rest my case.
Arik Olakunle Raymond Awodein.
Favorite reader of Arik Raymond’s Blog, if you think there is more to be told to your sister, your friend, your neighbor Magaret, please you can COMMENT BELOW. I’m sure she will be happy to hear you people’s opinions too.
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